I wanted to commend your efforts to raise awareness on this issue and your loving support of your daughter. I was assaulted in a dorm room on Grounds in 1998 in a situation similar to that which your daughter was involved. I, too, reported my situation to the administrators. While there does exist an extensive system of support for victims at the University on paper, the VP of Student Affairs at the time discouraged me from discussing my situation with others. His sentiments made me feel as if my school had deserted me. In spite of the fact that there had previously been assertions against the individual who assaulted me, he too was allowed to stay at the University until the following fall, when he was kicked out on drug charges.

I support your effort to amend the lenience that the University provides perpetrators of sexual assault. I find it apprehensible that individuals that pose continuous physical threat to members of the University are allowed to remain in school, while cheaters and drug users are expelled so easily. Not only does it force a victim to be continuously confronted with her/his violator, it also fosters a dangerous environment in which repeated assaults may occur. I would urge the administration of the University to have a discussion with the employees at SARA, where they will quickly learn that the first year of college is when a large percentage of women are assaulted; and that most sexual assaults are perpetrated by individuals known to the victim.

Thank you once again for your efforts. Very truly yours, UVA Alumnae

Thank you so much for creating uvavictimsofrape.com. You have made a difference in my life with your action. Since I read the headline on the Cav Daily this morning I have felt more hopeful and empowered than I have in a very long time regarding sexual assault at UVA. You have stellar vision to create this site. It’s perfect in so many ways. The site can serve as a voice for many people, it shows victims that they are not alone, it directly challenges the administration to DO SOMETHING, it refuses to remain silent about a problem raging on our campus, and it presents the problem in a direct and cogent manner. On a more personal note, you have taken action in a way that my parents never have. While they have avoided discussion of the fact that I was assaulted you have clearly put much thought and effort into supporting your daughter. I am moved by your action and I feel a sense of maternal support in your web site (as odd as that may sound).

I was silent about the fact that I was raped for 11 months. I found out that my attacker had been accepted into 1 in 4. His acceptance into the group was a catalyst for the release of my pent-up emotions regarding the rape. I knew I was in bad shape and sought the help of a counselor in SARA. I told this counselor that I was not ready to confront/accuse/take action against the guy who had raped me. I made it very clear that I did not want anyone in 1 in 4 to know about my situation. Despite my plea, the counselor broke my confidence and informed a leader of 1 in 4 about the rape. My attacker was promptly expelled from the group and he verbally lashed out at me, knowing I had told. No one in 1 in 4 consulted me about what I wanted to do or what my needs were.

 The counselor broke my trust at a time when I desperately needed support.

I have never even considered going to the administration about my assault because of the clearly hands-off message they convey about sexual assault. For instance, a sexual assault forum for sorority women, sponsored by the office of Sorority and Fraternity Life, was held on the evening of Sunday, November 16th. The four speakers at the forum represented the Sexual Assault Resource Agency (SARA); Student Health/Gynecology Dept; professor of law/internal council to the VP of UVA; and the Dean of Students office. While the speaker from SARA seemed well informed regarding sexual assault, the other three speakers conveyed the message that sexual assault is caused by alcohol consumption. These speakers maintained that if sorority women would simply re-evaluate their personal integrity and curb their alcohol consumption, then the incidence of sexual assault at UVA would decrease. As a female in this audience, I was shocked at the one-sided perspective of these speakers. Rather than proposing solutions that involved the administration taking action against the perpetrators of sexual assault, the blame was placed only on the behavior and morals of sorority women. The only reference made to males and their role in sexual assault was by our lawyer, who sympathized with a male who has been accused: “Imagine how he feels when he’s sitting in the deputy’s office, and he realizes he’s been accused of rape?” Furthermore, neither of the administration representatives seemed to be aware of their responsibility to the UVA community to stop such assaults. Although both administration representatives expressed grave concern for the safety of women at the university, neither one suggested solutions other than decreased alcohol consumption on the part of sorority females. The administration holds our honor code in high regard; why not also promote a secure atmosphere for women? We have a no tolerance stand against honor code violations; why do we not also have a no tolerance policy regarding sexual assault? In the Cav Daily article it said: “Sexual Assault Board Chair … said victims of sexual assault have many options available to them.” I think this is a very accurate representation of the administration’s policy on sexual assault: HANDS-OFF. University administration and others consider it their responsibility as leaders of UVA to take action in our community against sexual assault; rather, they burden victims with the task of seeking their own damage control AFTER the fact. Much more could be done by UVA administration to prevent sexual assault from occurring here to begin with. Indeed, stricter punishments for offenders would deter occurrences of sexual assault, but also, increased police surveillance at night and more opportunities for dialogue among students and faculty would make our university a much safer place.

I, too was raped by a UVA student … Everyone I have talked to has been sympathetic … I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE KICKED OUT OF UVA FOR CHEATING BUT NOT FOR RAPE. That is absolutely revolting. In so many ways, this school is such an old-boys network. I have worked hard to be an upstanding member of this university, but when I walk down the Lawn at my graduation, I will have nothing but a bitter taste in my mouth.

I think this is an absolutely amazing thing you are doing and you have my full support. I too am a survivor but not from a student here...he was my boyfriend from home. I completely agree that any predator should be removed from campus because I know too many girlfriends who have to see these perpetrators in their own classes and social circles. It's not fair and I'm so happy that you decided to do something that frankly, I never thought possible.

Please let me know how I can help you. I hope everything works out for your daughter and I'll keep praying for your family in this time. My mother doesn't even know about my own incident so it’s comforting to know that your daughter has such a great support in you. Good luck!

I, too, am a victim of rape at a college university. I understand how difficult it is to cope with a rape; it takes years, and it is an everyday battle. I am in the midst of attempting to change policies at my university as well. Unfortunately, there are hundreds of schools that handle rape in the way that your daughter's university did.

IT IS TIME FOR VICTIMS TO FIGHT BACK. HOLD THESE IGNORANT ADMINISTRATORS WHO ARE TRYING TO COVER THEIR OWN BACKS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT THEY CHOOSE TO IGNORE. If we all fight together, they won't be able to ignore us any longer. Ever since I was victimized, my eyes have been continually opened to the harsh reality of college campus rape and the way universities continue to mishandle complaints.

Your daughter's perpetrator has done it before, and he will do it again...it’s too bad the university will not prevent another woman from the life altering trauma that your daughter has and will continually experience.

I wish you luck with your site; you truly are making a difference. Please tell your daughter that she is extremely courageous. It takes a special kind of person to come forward and speak out against acquaintance rape - the most common type of rape there is. I hope she has a thorough healing process and recovery.

… I was sexually assaulted by a UVA student and also had a very difficult experience with how the school handled the issue. I decided to go through with the formal hearing and found the whole process to be very long, difficult and disorganized. None of the Administration or board members seemed familiar with the procedure. Needless to say my attacker still walks around campus freely. Unless the procedure is changed I would not recommend anyone to go through it. The length and inevitable unsatisfactory outcome prevent me from recommending it.

I am very dissatisfied with the University's policy on sexual assault, and think that it is despicable that they have never expelled anyone for it. I feel so disgusted with the University that I am considering transferring; although that really is not feasible because it's so late in my college career right now and my parents don't know. I don't know how I would explain wanting to transfer when it appeared that I was happy here for so long. I feel so ashamed that it happened and also ashamed that I fear confiding in people about it so much. I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to be proud to attend a school that allows someone who allowed someone who raped me to in essence get away with it. I am willing to bet that my attacker believes that I was at fault for what happened (being drunk) and he wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing again.

As for my own story, I’m sure it isn't as severe as your daughter's, however; it was fairly devastating in its own right. I was a victim of sexual assault; however, I am a man who was assaulted by a woman. The assault took place after a meeting last fall … it was good to be back at school and see a lot of old friends..... It was an overall good time. The problem arose when an older girl, whom I was fairly good friends with, offered to give me a ride home. I immediately took her up on the offer, as it would save me over a mile of walking. When we got to my apartment, she leaned over and began to be a bit 'flirty' with me. This threw me off because I had a girlfriend and wanted nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, I can be a bit of a weak-willed person at times and I didn't immediately get out of the car. She then got very aggressive and basically threw herself on me. I tried quite hard to get out of the car, but I think my physical will went out the window as fear gripped me. After a few minutes of this, the fear dissolved into anger, which gave me the strength to get her off and get out of that car.

In retrospect it was an assault on me. If I had been wiser or more concentrated, it would not have happened. I was just a bit too unsuspecting and innocent at the time. Looking back, I suppose the most harmful aspect of the thing was the emotional tailspin that I got caught up in afterwards when I told my girlfriend about it, which added much stress to my life. It still makes me shudder when I think about what happened. And I still get angry when I think about how easily I could have avoided it. Either way, it is a burn mark on my past.

Again, I am sorry that something far worse than this afflicted pain onto your family. I wish you the best of luck in getting your website organized and your own situation resolved. I will throw in my support anytime you need it.

First I wanted to say how much I admire your active response to this problem. When I was a first year student I was raped by another University student. At the time it happened I was under the influence of alcohol, but I had know the person before and we had previously had physical contact, but never sex. Women should be able to consume alcohol and NOT worry about being assaulted. Of course, always one should be careful, but if its not possible to enjoy a few alcoholic beverages without worrying about being taken advantage of that's ridiculous. If women's behavior (consuming alcohol) is used as a reason for the occurrence of a rape, that is an outrage. I was shocked at the posting by a sorority woman, who said that at a forum on sexual assault three of the speaker blamed to women’s actions. If the viewpoint of the University administration is that women need to change their drinking behaviors, why in the world do men not need to?

Drinking is not an excuse or reason for rape.

At that time of my incident I didn't even know the Sexual Assault Board existed. If it is supposed to be the student's outlet, why did I not even know it existed? Everyone knows about the Honor Committee and trials, and I would say a fair number of students are aware of University Judiciary Committee. During summer and fall orientation these two groups were brought to the attention quite clearly of all students. We even watched a video I believe, about them and how they work, consequences for actions, etc. Just the fact alone that many University women do not know of the Sexual Assault Board and how it works shows the complete apathy of administration for this problem. I am not looking to file charges, or anything like that. It takes a very courageous person to do that. I am though, looking for the women who DO speak out and try to get their perpetrator removed from grounds a chance to do that. I know that two of my friends who are also victims of rape by a University student have had extreme difficulty in doing so.

The community of trust that our University is supposedly built on is filled with bitter, now untrusting victims. Why does no one seem to care?  

As a survivor of sexual violence, a parent, ... and a community activist, I am moved and encouraged by your action on behalf of your daughter, other rape victims and our community. The silence and after-effects of rape affect us all. Please be sure to emphasize the importance of public action. "Take Back the Night" is an annual event both here in Charlottesville and nationally. This year the rally, march and vigil will be held on Thursday, April 8th, beginning at 6 PM at Charlottesville City Hall. Perhaps you could post or even send information from N.O.W. and the Women's Center at UVA about the schedule and about bus transportation for students. If everyone who visits this website, and all survivors and their supporters, would turn out for Take Back the Night, the community would see our commitment and determination to be heard.